Life is not a problem to be solved but a reality to be experienced. Dreams and desires are the part and parcel of life. However, realizing it largely depends on the zeal with which we pursue it. I too have had an astonishing burning desire for a 'thing' deep down in my heart. Read it and appreciate.
It all started when I landed in my home town to pursue my formal education. Since I have spent most of my life away from native, It never fails to endear me so much. I am a layman as everyone who is adjusted to mediocrity partly because of the environment in which I was born & bought up and partly because of circumstances that refrained me from a flamboyant lifestyle. Until then, life was like a cool breeze that corners my backyard spreading the fragrance with warmth and affection. This opportunity meant, I get to connect with mesmerizing beauty of nature and wildlife. The scenic beauty in here has been persistently scaling beyond the horizons of my imagination.
All was well until this 'thing' made inroads to my mind. Initially, I was reluctant to appreciate its importance. But, for God's sake, I could not take my eyes off it for the next two years. It was my first crush in this materialistic wold. It has given me many sleepless nights. With each passing day, my zeal grew from manifold to fourfold. You know, Its not just the beauty that drives our instinct. In fact, it is an amalgamation of trust and enduing love that keeps the motivation alive. I started exploring various avenues and gathered courage to approach it.
Every person holds a dual opinion when he ventures into an untrodden path. The subconscious mind, a gut feeling that depicts one sort of picture while seemingly guileless heart captures another. It is, thus an endless emotional dilemma. According to James Archer, the choice that strikes your mind when you toss a coin is the one you really want it to happen. I always wanted to toss one with both options endearing my heart - “You are always mine”. The lure was such, that I wanted to land in any trouble for this eternal sake. It turned me from a talkative guy to a reserved laconic tight-lipped person. I kept dreaming about realizing this dream without actually 'cognizant' of its consequences.
With each passing day, I pushed the frontiers and raised my bar in an effort to have it. All I wanted to be was a proud companion of this man made creature. It only aggravated the situation. Genuine effort felt like a nuisance and it became unyielding. The 'thing' did never bother to care my feelings and shrugged off my efforts as purely unreasonable. I never got a chance to prove my worth. May be, the way I approached it was more skewed towards accomplishing my goal. After all, the 'thing' never understood the thing. With chances drifting away, emotions struggled to make any sense. Life, even after taking twists and turns zeroed in on this ultimate goal and has never deterred me from building a rapprochement.
Suspense aside, Fire in the hole. It is an “Enfield !” that holds my eyes wide open from the very day I started admiring it. Its unmatchable charisma never fails to skip my beat. Every penny I save drops down the distance between me and my ultimate crush.
I believe, I have not got fair share of opportunity to express my desire and apathy on it's part added to the conceived image. I am in the dire need of an elusive chance to paint myself rather than being portrayed by others. I would bet all my worth to be a part of this enduring journey to have it. It is a win-win situation, either I end up accompanying it or fail miserably at what I believed all my life. There is no going back from this point. My request is, do NOT tar everyone with the same brush. All that is needed is a change in perception to bring about an eternal joy in our lives.
Prashant Shivaram Bhat